Category: Humor

Hitchin’ a ride.

Crab videotaped riding giant jellyfish

Exactly what it says. Requires a video player plugin, not sure which but one I had in any event. Animals are weird…

It’s a good day for random weird stuff:
Missing in Mexico: Truck with 5,000 condoms, 800 HIV tests and a giant inflatable prophylactic

MEXICO CITY (AP) _ Missing in Mexico: One truck carrying 5,000 condoms, 800 HIV tests and a 23-foot (7 meter) inflatable prophylactic.

The coordinator of an HIV/AIDS awareness tour, Polo Gomez, said Wednesday that the “Condomovil” was parked in front of a friend’s house in Mexico City when it disappeared Sunday evening. He believes the truck was stolen, but he doesn’t know why. Police are still investigating.

The truck should be easy to spot. It features painted images of a peeled banana, the exposed part shaped like a condom, and a shirtless man saying: “I protect myself. Do you?”

“A little off the top,” it wasn’t.

Something doesn’t smell right if this took from last Oct to today for the lawsuit to be filed, but…
(via Flyertalk)
Doctor accused of amputating man’s genitals against wishes

A lawsuit accuses a Frankfort doctor of amputating a man’s penis without his consent, according to a newspaper.

Rap Battles, translated.

Warning, NSFW.

Perhaps more amusing than the actual video is the near-Rickroll-like email the URL for this was included in:

Obama/McCain Debate Preview

The debates are only a couple weeks away, and it may be worth discussing the
strengths of the respective candidates on the floor.

Must-see image: Frizza vending machine

The End Is Near

And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Tombstone Deep Dish Pizza, and Hell followed with him. And power was given unto them over the fourth part of the earth, to kill with vending machine pizza, and with high-fructose corn syrup, and with trans-fatty acids, and with all the beasts of the earth.

Must go look. It’s horrific. Frozen pizza vending machine. Ugh.

“What D&D character are you?” (cool blogmeme)

I Am A: Neutral Good Human Wizard (4th Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength-12
Dexterity-13
Constitution-11
Intelligence-16
Wisdom-14
Charisma-11

Alignment:
Neutral Good A neutral good character does the best that a good person can do. He is devoted to helping others. He works with kings and magistrates but does not feel beholden to them. Neutral good is the best alignment you can be because it means doing what is good without bias for or against order. However, neutral good can be a dangerous alignment because it advances mediocrity by limiting the actions of the truly capable.

Race:
Humans are the most adaptable of the common races. Short generations and a penchant for migration and conquest have made them physically diverse as well. Humans are often unorthodox in their dress, sporting unusual hairstyles, fanciful clothes, tattoos, and the like.

Class:
Wizards are arcane spellcasters who depend on intensive study to create their magic. To wizards, magic is not a talent but a difficult, rewarding art. When they are prepared for battle, wizards can use their spells to devastating effect. When caught by surprise, they are vulnerable. The wizard’s strength is her spells, everything else is secondary. She learns new spells as she experiments and grows in experience, and she can also learn them from other wizards. In addition, over time a wizard learns to manipulate her spells so they go farther, work better, or are improved in some other way. A wizard can call a familiar- a small, magical, animal companion that serves her. With a high Intelligence, wizards are capable of casting very high levels of spells.

Find out What Kind of Dungeons and Dragons Character Would You Be?, courtesy of Easydamus (e-mail)

No longer just an urban legend?

Police hunt for doctor in kidney-snatching ring

Shakil, a 28-year-old recovering from a transplant in a Gurgaon hospital, winced as he described how his kidney was forcibly removed.

“Two armed guards took me to another room. They took blood samples … forced me onto a stretcher and then they gave me an injection,” he said. “When I woke up, I had pain in my waist and I was dizzy.”

Shakil and others in nearby hospital beds said a man approached them with promises of well-paying jobs. Instead, he brought them to the house in Gurgaon, they said.

See also Snopes.

Via Flyertalk.

Zen Sarcasm

Forwarded email humor, courtesy of Fester:

Zen Sarcasms
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.

2 The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt or a leaky tire.

3. It’s always darkest before dawn , so if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.

4. Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.

5. Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don’t succeed…… Skydiving is not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.

12. Some days you’re the bug, some days you’re the windshield.

13. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

14. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put back in your pocket.

15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

16. Duct tape is like ‘The Force’. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

17. There are two theories to arguing with a women – Neither one works.

18. Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.

19. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Along those lines:
“If someone asks you if you’re a God, you say *yes*. If someone asks you if you’re Sarah Connor, you say *no*.”

Despite the name, it’s safe for work.

InternetSexStud Magazine

(it’s a joke, people.)

edit – 2017 Oct 16 – whatever that once was, the link now redirects to the webcomic in general, and the comic at present is no longer safe for work. Still looks funny on a very cursory glance.